


this one is for you, sherlock

by avacadosjumping



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M, Musician!John, Post-Reichenbach, Unrequited Love, and sherlock listens to them all the time, john can sing in this one, john's singing voice is JBM, mary morstan is played by andreya triana, mary's singing voice is Andreya Triana, musictherapist!mary morstan, mycroft supplies sherlock with all of john's recordings, singer!john
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-04-26 13:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5006683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avacadosjumping/pseuds/avacadosjumping
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Reichenbach.</p>
<p>Mrs. Hudson recommends John a better therapist after Sher- after everything that has happened.<br/>John ends up singing as part of his therapy and records his songs.</p>
<p>[Sherlock listens to them all.]</p>
<p> </p>
<p>(features musictherapist!Mary Morstan + singer!John + sneaky!Mycroft + John singing in a pub)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

In the beginning, the very few first months, John didn’t want to believe it. He would constantly complain about how Sherlock kept leaving things around and that he was always ignoring his texts and calls. It was always the looks of pity, that often came before the explanation as to why Sherlock wasn’t picking up his messes, why Sherlock wasn’t answering his texts and calls. Those looks told John more than their words ever did.  
  
_Sherlock Holmes is dead._  
_He jumped off the roof._  
_He jumped head first and there was no possible way to survive that._  
_He’s gone, John._  
_Sherlock Holmes is dead._  
  
He goes back to therapy after coming upon a crime scene and starting to walk around yelling at Greg for not telling him and Sherlock that there was a case to solve; that just because Sherlock was away didn’t mean that John couldn’t take notes for Sherlock. It was the look on every officer that was present as he was escorted back to 221B Baker Street by Greg that John decided that he needed to talk to someone about this.  
  
He didn’t go to back to Ella because she was a shite therapist and there was no way that he was going to any of the therapists that Mycroft had recommended. In the end, he went along with Mrs. Hudson’s suggestion of a family friend that was a therapist because he knew that it was better than nothing.

 

∆∆∆∆

The therapist office is filled with pictures of musical notes and a soft melody plays while John waits. He notices right off the bat that there are songbooks instead of the typical medical magazines and outdated gossip columns. In a way, John knows that if he had seen anything that showcased his dear dead friend’s face across one of those magazines calling him a fraud, that he would have walked away and not even tried to come again. He picks up a song book and could see that it actually wasn’t empty but filled with musical notes. It’s been awhile since he’s seen sheet music. The flat had-  
  
“Watson, John?”  
  
He picks his head up and can see that in the doorway stands who he believes is his therapist. In another place and time, he would have seen the beauty that this woman had. He would have asked her out and it would have lead to a couple dates that would inevitably be interrupted by Sherlock. But this is not the place and it is definitely not the time because Sherlock was not here.  
  
“Mr. Watson?”  
  
He snaps out of his thoughts and with the help of his cane, painfully gets up and follow the petite woman into her office.  
  
The music notes are also showcased in her office. They seem to make a path that leads to her office and once in her office, John notices that the office is only filled more musical notes. He struggles to remember exactly which notes are which but knows that this is sort of too much for him. ‘A music enthusiast,’ is what his mind supplies but he knows that that is just a polite way of not saying what he really wants to say.  
  
John takes a seat in the bright red chair that’s opposite of where the therapist’s chair would be. He sets his cane down and just waits for the barrage of questions that therapists often have in their first meeting with new patients. A few minutes pass before he notices that the therapist hasn’t sat down. Instead, she’s standing over by a bookshelf, looking for a book.  
  
“Mr. Watson, what instrument do you have experience with?”  
  
The question baffles John for a second before responding, “I played the clarinet when I was younger and messed a bit around with guitars in uni.”  
  
She seems to have found the books she wants when she walks over and sets down two books on the table and sitting down on her chair. She pushes them both in his direction before beginning to explain.  
  
“I think that we can work with your skills with the clarinet but I feel like either guitar or piano would be more expressive and better for you to express yourself during these sessions. What do you think?”  
  
“I’m sorry,” John says, a little confused at what she had said.  
  
“I don’t think we’re on the same page”  
  
Her eyes open in realization of what’s exactly going on.  
  
“Oh,” she breathes out before sinking into her chair. “Mrs. Hudson didn’t tell you? She didn’t explain to you want I do, did she?”  
  
He tries to remember exactly what Mrs. Hudson had said word for word about this therapist but finds that he can’t. It was a bad day; one, where he was just mechanically going through the motions and not really paying attention to world surrounding him but he just remembers him being handed a card and him promising that he’ll try. _‘That I would try for Sherlock’s sake…’_  
  
“No,” he whispers, trying not to fall into that state of mind that often happens when he thinks of Sherlock.  
  
The therapist looks at him for a bit before beginning to explain.  
  
“I am a therapist but rather than my techniques dealing with the regular questions and answers and awkward silences and this just hectic tug-of-war that often happens with patients and therapists; I use music to heal one’s soul. I use it as a means to communicate, whether with actual lyrics or with notes; I feel as if that’s more effective than what others do. I’m a musical therapist, of sorts.”  
  
John can literally hear Sherlock’s go to phrase whenever John was being obtuse: ‘You saw but did not observe.’ The musical notes covering the walls, the music notebooks, the guitar and keyboard that were in the far right corner of the room.  
  
“I-I don’t know what to say to that.”  
  
She smiles, “You can say yes, to my treatment or you could get a normal therapist.”  
  
John thinks it over and wonders if this would be a better choice out of the two. With this, he’ll never have to utter a word about his nightmares that make it impossible to sleep because all he sees is Sherlock’s dead body or his limp that came back with twice the pain and the prescription of Oxycodone that he’s been refilling every three weeks or the fact that he’s been thinking about the different ways he can be reunited with Sherlock and that shooting one bullet straight into his head with the same gun that had saved Sherlock so many times except that one time, is the gun that should be used. He won’t have to utter a word about any of that. He’ll just learn to read notes again and play the guitar or piano. He won’t have to talk to her at all.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
She smiles before sitting up once more and gesturing to the books on the table. One having the words ‘BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO NOTES AND CHORDS FOR PIANO’ and the other ‘HOW TO PLAY THE GUITAR FOR BEGINNERS’  
  
“I know you have experience with the clarinet and you mentioned that you messed a bit around with guitars. So, I believe that we should continue on with guitars and since, the chords are almost interchangeable with the piano that you’ll learn that as well. Is this okay with you?”  
  
John picks up the guitar book and nods.  
He can do this.  
He can do this.  
He can.

∆∆∆∆

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLA  
> thank you for reading this!
> 
> I have a playlist that I made this long before beginning to write this story.
> 
>  
> 
> [listen.](8tracks.com/butwitha_whimper/this-one-is-for-you-sherlock)
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it all.  
> Until next chapter,  
> Kati.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola, I suck at making updates.  
> But I was able to make one for the new year.  
> So please enjoy.
> 
> Also, the Mary I write for is soooo different from the canon!Mary. Here's who is playing Mary; she also has a beautiful voice ([x](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ca8hal5WIAICRTD.jpg))
> 
> Unbeta'd; all mistakes are mine.

John ends up choosing the guitar. He knows he needs his hands to be busy and having that solid weight in his arms makes it a bit better. He buys the books that Mary has recommends and takes the acoustic guitar home.

On the nights when he can’t sleep and wants to reach for his gun, he reaches for the books and the guitar.

 

∆∆∆∆

 

The first song he writes is a simple melody. He doesn’t want to write any words. Mary understands.

 

∆∆∆∆

 

“How is the writing going, John?”

John tenses up before he hands over the pale blue notebook and Mary quickly reads it over. A smile spreads on her face.

“Can you play this for me? Just want to see if it’s as good as it looks.”

“I’d rather not.”

Mary smiles, “That’s fine. Can I give it a shot?”

John pushes the guitar case towards her and she takes it out as she begins to read and play. He closes his eyes as the melody fills the room.

She stumbles a bit over a certain part and it snaps him out of his daze. He opens his eyes as she stops playing.

She holds up the notebook and John can see why she stumbled.

“Were you trying to included lyrics, John?”

He takes his notebook back, “Yes, it wasn’t working out.”

She gets up and goes back to her bookshelf. When she finds what she’s looking for, she sits back down and places the books in between them. The bright covers reads ‘SONGWRITING FOR BEGINNERS’ and ‘WRITING SONGS FROM YOUR HEART’

“I like the second book more than the first but you’re welcome to borrow both.”

John nods before stuffing both books into the guitar’s case.

 

∆∆∆∆

 

He wakes up thinking he is drowning and he writes his first song.

 

∆∆∆∆

 

“John, you haven’t gone to see one of the therapists I had recommended,”

John doesn’t know how Mycroft had gotten inside Sher _-his_ flat. He continues to fiddle around with the guitar in his arms.

“I have one already.”

He can see Mycroft head over to sit down on _Sher_ -the couch.

“Don’t sit there.”

He looks up to see Mycroft freeze, his eyes making direct contact with his. John holds his gaze before Mycroft sits across from him, nowhere near the couch.

John ignores him as he begins to play his melody.

 

∆∆∆∆

 

One night, he can’t sleep. He stays downstairs in the living room, staring at the skull, still on the mantel, and wants so desperately to smash it to bits. He wants to smash it till it’s owner comes back and reprimands him for touching his dear friend. He wants it’s owner to come back to tell him that he’s being sentimental. He wants it’s owner to come back.

 

∆∆∆∆

 

John decides to play something at the next session. Mary sits quietly, near a keyboard in the corner of the room. He breathes in deeply before he begins to play. He trembles a bit when he begins to sing his lyrics out loud.

 

 _“_ _The different things that_

_People tell you to try_

_The different things that_

_Keep you from living your life_

 

_Sunsets and breezes that_

_Used to tickle your eye_

_They don't warm you now-”_

 

He stops playing and can’t continue. He looks down at his guitar and just stays quiet. Mary thankfully doesn’t try to make him talk.

 

When he looks up, Mary begins to press a button on the keyboard before a melody begins to play.

 

He watches her as she closes her eyes and begins to sing:

 

 _“Staring at an empty page again_  
_Searching deep within my soul_  
_Sometimes I don't know where to begin_  
_When there's nothing left to hold_  
  
_So I will sing you a song_  
_that I know that I can lean on...”_

 

He listens, letting her voice wash over him.

 

And when she finishes, he tries again.

 

∆∆∆∆

 

Sherlock walks into his motel room. He checks every nook and cranny before finding his package inside the toilet tank.

 

He takes it out it’s water proof package and is surprised when a mp3 player is the only thing inside it.

 

He puts the earbuds in before pressing play. John’s voice immediately fills his ears and his heart stops.

 

_“If I could see you now_

_I wouldn’t tell you to try_

_I wouldn’t ask how you feel 'cause_

_I wouldn’t want you to lie_

 

_But for some reason that_

_I don't even know why_

_I feel the need to tell you that I think_

_That you're gonna be fine...”_

 

Sherlock plays John’s voice three more times, memorizing every tremor in his voice, every sigh, every chord.

  
He lets John’s voice lull him to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set List:
> 
> John's Melody (1st song without lyrics): ([x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9v-yoxew6o))  
> John's First Song + The Song Sherlock Listens To (1st song with lyrics): ([x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NE9bUk5PIl4))  
> Mary's Song: ([x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxrIj7tK6h4))

**Author's Note:**

> HOLA  
> thank you for reading this!
> 
> I have a playlist that I made this long before beginning to write this story.
> 
> [listen.](8tracks.com/butwitha_whimper/this-one-is-for-you-sherlock)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it all.  
> Until next chapter,  
> Kati.


End file.
